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Beware of the Menacing Manipulator in Your Life!

16 May 2013

You do the right thing, you care about others, you work hard, and you think before you speak, you were brought up well. However, there are those who insidiously weave their way into your life … the manipulators. They turn up and test you, they try a little intimidation, they say things that don’t quite seem right and you wonder if there’s something wrong with you. They push you a little, if you don’t push back, they push more and after a while you wonder why you feel so bad about yourself. After a while you feel trapped, your values are compromised and you wonder why you are so unhappy.

So what are you going to do about it? What’s been going on? Have you been tolerating any of the following?

BULLYING

NO ONE has right to assault who you are as a person.  I repeat, NO ONE.  Bullying can come from all sources – it’s not always the ‘bad people’ out there who are bullies, your own family members can be bullies and they are the hardest to deal with if you live with them as they are there day and night, night and day, ready to strike at your ego, your self worth, hungry to make you feel small.  There are some menacing manipulators who love to put you down, make you feel bad about yourself, intimidate you while smiling in your face. Sometimes it’s the subtlest of comments that can trigger your emotional reaction. Stare them down. You will feel small if you let them make you feel small. Be courageous, confront them – no one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.  Sometimes you need to gain that courage through coaching – it helps so much to have an objective professional to talk to about this.

FEELING HATRED

No matter what has happened to you, do not let hate build within your heart. Feeling hatred does not harm anyone except you. Feeling hatred means that you are insisting that you are owed something that is not forthcoming. Gandhi, always wise in his words said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” It may be hard to forgive, so it may be best for you to let go. If you can let go, you may not forgive or forget however you will be able to move on and create the space and the love that needs to live within your heart. Feeling love and being at peace with yourself is the best revenge!

NASTY NEGATIVE PEOPLE

Why is it that when it comes to small minded, ignorant and negative people, they are the ones who enjoy being generous with their small mindedness? Whether or not it is directed at you, to be around such people is to feed more negativity, ignorance and pettiness. Be careful who feeds you. Who is draining you of your energy? Is it time to let those people go? Surround yourself with those with positivity, kindness and joie de vivre. It’s time to let yourself be happy for all that is good in life!

DO YOU REALLY NEED A SAVIOUR?

When you feel lost and don’t know what to do, it’s so tempting to let someone take charge. Before you do that, think! If you are making decisions about what is right for you, if you hand over the reigns and allow the decisions to be made by someone else, are you staying true to your self, your own values or are you living the life that other person wants for you (or wanted for themselves?) What feels right for YOU? Seeking advice and guidance from trusted mentors and advisors is a positive experience as long as you make your own decisions with the facts you are provided. There is a reason why people speak about gut feelings – if you think with your head and your heart it is so hard to come to a decision however if you let your gut guide you, deep down inside, you know what is right for you. Give it a try, as you will always know you are living your own life, not the life that someone else has mapped out for you.

OVER TO YOU!

How do you choose to live your life? Change what needs to be changed - whether it is your attitude, your physical environment, your relationship, your career – for your own sanity. Accept what cannot be changed, and then change your attitude towards it. Allow peace into your life. Choose your companions wisely. Surround yourself with those who lift you up and respect you for who you are. Say goodbye to negativity and say, hello to Your Life!

Jane Jackson is a Career and Life Coach, providing coaching for personal and professional success. Gain regular inspiration from www.facebook.com/careercoachsydney or visit www.stylesuccess.biz

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1 comments

  • Jeannene ODay

    Jeannene ODay 6 years ago

    Great advice. The sad part about having these kinds of people in the office is it's a vicious cycle and it's easy to find yourself getting sucked into negative behaviours. I agree with you that it's important to choose your companions wisely - we are MOST influenced by our peers - so surround yourself with people YOU want to emulate.