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Separating heart from head
15 January 2014
Separating heart from head
It’s a stomach churning feeling when your heart and head are in
conflict. Not sure whether to listen to either can leave you in a
situation of no action or angst. How could you look at this from another
A few weeks ago and executive contacted me in a state of distress.
Big decisions on the table he asked me, “How do I separate my heart from
There was a long pause before we both laughed. He knew exactly what I
was thinking. I was processing his suggestion literally and I had a
very comical picture of a man in my mind’s eye trying to pull his body
apart. I said nothing and he immediately broke the silence by saying,
“Come on Madelaine, I know what I am asking you is biologically
huri-kuri!” He was in pain from his feelings of upset over decisions
that needed to be made.
My executive needed some resources to rationalise his feelings and I
appreciated that fact. The resources we discussed unexpectedly assisted
him to put the power of his heart and the power of his head together to
achieve an unexpected resolution.
The heart is an organ that pumps oxygen-rich blood to every cell of
your body. Your heartbeat is a muscle contraction that is vitally
important for the quality of every cell. The head contains a number of
very important parts including eyes to see, ears to hear, a mouth to
eat, drink and make sounds from, and your head also contains your brain.
Your brain sends life supporting messages to every cell of your body.
The benefits of bringing your heart and head together include reduced
stress, fewer health problems including a reduction in stress induced
headaches and palpitations. Oxygen rich blood flow works more
efficiently to maximise energy. Clarity and energy increase happiness
and confidence. Ability to be effective and harmonious in all areas of
your life personally, with family and at work increases.
When someone wants to separate their heart from their head, what they
are often really saying is, “how can I pull apart my emotional feelings
from my analytical thinking? My analytical thinking is making me feel
heartless and my emotional feels are making me feel incompetent.” What
would be immensely beneficial for the individual is to do the exact
In NLP we regularly find the conflict of heart and head stemming back
to the separation of two parts within the psyche that were once part of
a greater whole. What the heart and head want can often be the same
outcome, however the neurological pathway to realising this has become
disconnected. Bandler and Grinder the founders of NLP discovered this
in the 1970’s and created specific processes that enable to reconnection
of neurological parts, actually re-connecting pathways in the brain
that led to a reduction in internal conflicts.
Clarity and power comes from asking yourself, “heart and head, how
could you work together right now to achieve an outcome that goes beyond
my expectations and produces something incredible in this situation?”
In a moment of internal conflict this is how you could break the
boundaries to expand your thinking. Alternatively working with a
qualified professional who deals with these issues regularly is helpful.
What if you are still having an issue with separating heart from
head? Asking a trusted friend or colleague to help you break the
boundaries and look for an integrated solution can be helpful. Instead
of asking them to help you separate heart from head though, ask them the
opposite. Ask them, “how could I bring my heart and head together?”
My executive client did not perform huri-kuri! We did have a good
laugh though. He was able to find a solution to his problem that
ultimately turned out to be highly beneficial for all parties. What he
found most remarkable was how he felt making the decision. He describes
the congruency as life changing. For the first time in many years he
described a feeling of immense pride, love, compassion and solid
business sensibility combined. He received verbal feedback and
appreciation from his colleagues that he has never received before. He
truly saw himself as a competent leader.
Seeing the benefits you could gain from having your heart and head
work together can be life changing. You just need to tell yourself a
different story. A feeling of congruency, power, love, intelligence and
pride in decisions is your gift for the effort.
Madelaine Cohen Author
Lipstick Learning is an initiative of Sydney based business leader,
Certified NLP Trainer (ABNLP), entrepreneur and Master NLP Practitioner
Madelaine Cohen. Sharing information and joining forces with people who
choose to lead. Madelaine has more than two decades of inspiration from
her businesses in consumer products, sports marketing, executive
coaching and healthcare. She takes a leading role in mentoring
executives and training business leadership in large and small
enterprises. Why? Inspire people to lead and together we can create
lifetimes of health and happiness. To find out how you can lead with
even more authenticity and ease, contact Madelaine through Lipstick
Madelaine welcomes connection and networking so if you have something to ask or share, go for it.