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How to Build Healthy Relationships ... That Last!

31 August 2013

Why do we stay in unhappy or negative relationships? Is it because we’re afraid if taking action?

Do you spend the majority of your time in the wrong relationship, or on activities that take you away from good relationships? If so, you may be trapped in a cycle of temporary friendships and superficial romantic relationships that are briefly exciting but meaningless. Have you started to wonder, “Is this all there is and will be for me?” in your life?

How can we build positive, lasting relationships? Where are those friends who can be ‘the wind beneath our wings’ who love and support us through good times and tough times? What has to happen for us to meet the love of our lives (who is GOOD for us?) For a happy, rewarding life we must have positive, uplifting relationships whether they are friendships or romantic relationships. Here are a few things to consider:

Be at peace with your Self

It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with another if you are not comfortable with your Self. There is a great sense of freedom when you are aware of the joys of solitude, reading, writing, learning a new skill, and doing something you enjoy just for yourself. To be lost in the moment whilst enjoying a pleasurable activity is amazing for the soul. When was the last time you lost track of time because you were so absorbed in what you were doing and really having fun?

If you take positive action to remove yourself from negative relationships and those who maybe dragging you down, of course you will have more time on your own for a while. When you learn to enjoy solitude you won't need to have 'people' around just for the sake of not being alone. The fear of being alone is what often leads us to relationships and social situations that may not be good for us.

If you are fearful, you will have the desperate need to 'belong' whether or not it’s the right situation for you to be in. The fear will prevent you from being your authentic self as you'll be worried the real you is not good enough. The fear will make you crave for external validation of who you are, that you are 'ok.' This can create a vicious cycle that takes you away from the feeling of peace that comes from accepting that you are 'enough.' Enough in your own eyes is the best place to start and from there you can build positive relationships with those who appreciate you for who you are.

Next steps

When you've built a solid personal foundation it'll be time to reach out to the good people you know whom you've not kept in touch with regularly. They may be family members, old school friends, people you've worked with you've always thought were nice to be around. List those people with whom you wished you’d kept in touch. Make contact - even if it’s been many years and you don't have their contact details, Facebook, Google or LinkedIn are good places to look them up.

This may sound too simple however, when you reach out you never know the positives that will occur. I've found that the Universe rewards positive action - you get what you give eventually. To rebuild your life positively you just need to take action!

Be interested in others

The best investment any of us can make is to take genuine interest in others. When you help others they will want to help you too. Kindness begets kindness. Who can you help today? Where can you be where your skills, knowledge and passions will be of benefit and appreciated?

Join a group or association

The quickest and easiest way to meet people who love what you love is to join an association or group that offers what you enjoy. Whether it is a sporting activity, artistic venture, book discussion group, music group, cooking, IT, spirituality, etc., identify what you enjoy and find a local group to join. This way you are feeding your soul, doing something for yourself that you enjoy and the wonderful by product of this is that you will meet others who also share your interests and passion.

If you're at a loss as to where to find a group you'd enjoy, have a look on www.meetup.com

This is a global site that lets you choose your location and interest and identify numerous groups that share your interest in your geographic area. If you can't find one you like, start one up easily on this site and let others join you! Of course if you are the initiator then you have to do the promotion and organisation of the group but if it is your passion then you may enjoy the activity of getting it up and running.

I remember when I moved to London from Hong Kong and knew no one. I found it difficult to meet people outside of work. I loved playing squash and joined the local squash club, started playing on the ladder, got fitter, had fun and met a lovely lady who became my best friend in London. I even named one of my daughters after her and we're still good friends 28 years later! Luckily for email and Facebook, despite the fact that I now live in Sydney and she is in London, we keep in contact and get together whenever I visit London. That common interest at the beginning broke the ice, regular squash games cemented the friendship and the rest is history. Every time I've moved to a new city or country, I've found that sport (squash, tennis, golf or dance) has made it so much easier to find people I enjoy spending time with.

And then...

When is good time to start? Today, of course! Be brave and take that first step to making your life the one YOU want to live; enjoy happy, healthy relationships with likeminded people and have fun again!

I'd love to hear your ideas on how you take control of your life and build happy, healthy relationships that last. Email me at jane@stylesuccess.biz or follow me on Facebook www.facebook.com/careercoachsydney. Or www.stylesuccess.biz

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