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Comparing yourself to others - an antidote
29 September 2013
I know it has been said before but you are unique. There is no one else in this whole world with your blend of complicated, delightful, infuriating, amazing, uplifting experience and no one else in the world whose job it is to be you. Wholeheartedly you.
Don’t click on that link…. You know where it is going to take you. And don’t even think about visiting that Facebook page. You know what you’ll start thinking…
Did you know that research has shown that 99.9% of negative feelings begin with a comparison point?
We were feeling pretty much ok until we started to think about other people, what they are doing, what they are saying, how they are dressed, what’s in their newsletters, what they are tweeting, posting and sharing.
Then the self-doubt, sensing an opportunity to assert its dominance, kicks in as we hold our own efforts up alongside and find ourselves wanting in some way.
This causes pain!
This causes angst!
This causes that sinking feeling in the pit of your belly that taunts you with the “see, you will never, ever, never, ever be as good as such and such. Why do you even bother?”
Your inner critic can definitely play hardball.
In the Artists Way, Julia Cameron refers to these harsh, barbed thoughts as blurts. Such a great description. Because that is exactly what they do. They blurt out all of those thoughts that serve no worthwhile purpose except to harm. To keep you from shining,. From persevering. Perhaps from even trying at all.
How many unfinished symphonies are there in the world because of the tyranny of the blurts?
But here’s the thing. For the blurts to achieve their aim (which is, quite simply, to keep you inside your comfort zone, to prevent you from daring, from taking a risk, from following your heart and intuition) you have to listen to them. And choose to believe them. And allow them to dictate your actions (or lack thereof).
And you can choose not too.
You can hear them. Acknowledge them (even if they do make you wince).
Perhaps even laugh a little at their tenacity.
But you don’t have to believe them.
And you certainly don’t have to allow them the power to determine what you will and will not do in your business or in your life.
The most successful campaigns waged against the blurts that come from comparing yourself to others start with affirmations.
Life affirming declarations that you are growing and expanding and moving ever closer towards your goals one tenacious step at a time.
That you are pretty damn fabulous just as you are today and that you are also committed to life long learning and becoming all you can be, being of the highest possible service to those you choose to serve, be they clients, customers, family, friends, your community… or even the whole wide world.
When the blurts do blurt, hear them, feel them, accept them and let them go. Don’t try and fight them because it is true, what you resist, persists. Instead see them for what they are, just your subconscious on autopilot, dredging up old beliefs that no longer serve you.
Smile. Breathe. Thank your mind for letting you remember why it is that you no longer need to feel that way. Close your eyes and mindfully focus on how far you have come and the destination you are heading towards.
Reconnect in with the highest vision you have for yourself. Smile. Breathe.
Recall the last time you received a compliment or a heart felt thanks from a friend, colleague, client, family member. Feel it deeply. Feel the appreciation that was behind it. Smile. Breathe.
Remember that you are living in an abundant world and that you are a reflection of that abundance, with so much to offer. That your experiences are unique and therefore the contribution that you have to make is unique as well. Smile. Breathe.
Then open your eyes and stretch. Close that link, article, post, site, recording, newsletter… whatever prompted the blurts and…
The world needs you to show up magnificently as you. lt needs you to show up magnificently as you and live wholeheartedly, without compromise, without comparison. So, take those deep breaths and let go…
Let’s not allow the blurts to hijack our journey.